Smithology

I’ve been watching a lot of BSG lately: over the last couple of months I have crammed four seasons of BSG all because I wanted to catch up with the current wrap-up season before it aired so that some scumbag on the net wouldn’t spoil the big reveals at the end to me. I already had bits of it spoiled and it did reduce my enjoyment of the show somewhat as a lot of the drama of the show centres on some big questions: Which characters are really Cylons? Will they find Earth and what will happen when they get there? What’s with all this God stuff? etc…

Anyway, all the BSG exposure has embedded some very important lessons in my pysche:

1. When someone holds a gun to your head, you should always look them in the eye and shout “Do it you coward!”
2. Always check your raptor for bombs before getting on board
3. Stay away from air-locks
4. Never trust the President, she’ll throw you out an airlock every time
5. Never let a Sharon carry a side-arm
6. Never give your security codes to a tall leggy woman with a strong jawline
7. If in doubt, drink a bottle of whisky. If it’s the first two seasons, skull green mouthwash instead
8. If things are looking up, you should be very worried indeed, things never look up in BSG - except maybe when you’re lying on the floor looking up at a centurion.
9. A punch up is a form of foreplay
10. You may as well give up on trying to keep your model sailing ship in one piece. You know you’re going to smash it up every-time you get angry
11. Every weird dream you have is probably somehow real, it is never because you ate too close to bed time
12. The first thing that will fail in any spacecraft is the FTL drive. Fortunately it can usually be fixed with a spanner and mallet in the right place.
13. If you have saved the lives of your crew countless times, proven your valour in battle and are generally looked up to, you are probably a Cylon.

bsg